One day Jenny decided to start a blog.
She began with the usual fare: a handful of precious family recipes, some pictures of her dog and cat sleeping together, some hastily composed poetry about the weather. Then came the less common entries: how-tos on things like crocheting baby socks and making sculptures out of tinfoil, an expose on the naming of various species of beetles, a chronology of the lifespan of her strawberry plants complete with names for each of the plants and obituaries of strawberries lost to snails or possums.
She did not get very many hits.
Frustrated by her lack of readership, Jenny decided to research some of the most popular blogs. But when she typed Most Popular Blogs into her browser, she came up with titles such as “Most Popular Ways to Blog”, “Get the Most out of Popular Blogs”, and “Most Blogs Are Not Popular”.
Next she tried Lists of Popular Blogs. She was inundated with lists of all kinds. Lists of blogs about popular actors. Lists of blogs about popular writers. Lists of blogs about popular places to eat on Sundays. And strangest one of all, a list of blogs about Perverse Phrases With Antiqued Means That Have Long Since Fallen Out of Favor.
She gave up searching and picked up a book entitled Blog for Success: A Beginners Guide to Getting Your Blog Out to the Rest of the World and Beyond. It told her “make a splash with color and graphics to catch the eye”, “use exciting buzz words that spark the reader’s imagination”, “find a untapped niche and explore the infinite possibilities”. She read the whole book and found it completely useless.
Jenny decided to brainstorm. She wrote on a piece of paper: Things that people are into. Underneath, she made a list: 1) Food, 2) Animals, 3) Celebrities, 4) Music, 5) Zombies, 6) Boobs. She stopped on Boobs. As far as she could remember, she had never seen a blog about boobs.
Jenny had found her niche.
jenny called her new blog: My Boobs. Her first post of her new blog was entitled: Why Having Boobs Sucks. She wrote about ogling men and jealous women. About the daily pains of wearing a bra. About how impossible it was to found a bra that fit. About how expensive it was to buy a halfway decent one.
She got 56 hits, including a comment from BerilyTheer that said, “I hear ya sistah!”
Her next entry was called: Why Having Boobs Rules. She wrote corny stuff about feeling like a nurturer and the how important boobs were to having babies. About how sometimes with the right audience the attention was welcome. About how they could sometimes be used to her advantage. About how, with her boobs, she never felt alone.
She got 254 hits, 38 followers and 9 comments including one from Gluboy02 that read, “Show us your tits!” She deleted the comment. But then she thought about it.
“What the hell,” was what she thought.
The next post was a picture of her breasts in a sweater followed by a lament on not being able to hide behind a baggy sweater. “They’re so damn big,” Jenny wrote. “They’re just too impossible to hide…”
She gained another 78 followers and over 500 hits. There were even more comments about wanting to see more of her endowments.
Jenny went on for months this way. Posting pictures of her breasts in various clothing with short rants about how difficult it was to have large breasts. By the time six months had passed, she had over 6000 followers. Then she ran out of things to say about her boobs.
She stopped blogging.
When she did stop, she was forced to think about what she had done. Overall she was not pleased with the result. So she had gained 6000 followers, but at what expense? Pictures of her breasts now littered the internet. Fortunately she had been savvy enough to never photograph them nude, and none of the pictures had shown her face. Still the whole thing felt like one long pointless endeavor.
She went back to her brainstorm list for possible new ideas.
Zombies was the only thing that seemed halfway interesting. Unfortunately zombies were everywhere. How could she get anyone to look at a blog about zombies?
When she thought of it, it seemed like a non-brainer. Why hadn’t she thought of it before?
Her next blog would be titled: Zombie Boobs.