Bonus Story: Life at the Lake


Life at the lake was pretty sweet.  Until the unforseen happened.

Oh we had our difficulties.  Nothing is perfect after all.  It’s never a picnic when the geese show up.  They only stay for a few months, but what a few months…  Hundreds of the bastards!  Chasing us off with that obnoxious hissing.  Eating everything in sight. Asinine behavior, I’ll agree but hardly anything to get your feathers in a twist over.

Needless to say, us ducks are much more civilized. We exist within a strict hierarchy which of course is determined by who is the largest.  The bigger the duck, the more he matters.

The biggest duck’s name is Pablo.  He’s a pretty good guy all things considered.  He’s got this booming quack that you can hear all the way across the lake.  When Pablo quacks, everybody comes running, flapping, swimming, whatever.  He’s the best at finding algae beds where minnows and tadpoles like to hide.

One time Pablo quacked across the lake, and we all came as usual to find a bizarre sight.  These big weird pink wingless featherless ducks were throwing food into the water.  You might ask youself how I know these things are ducks.  Simple really.  If you quack at them, they will quack back.   They don’t always make sense in their responses though.  Once I quacked:  “How do you do?”  To which one of them quacked back:  “Why yes, the clouds are quite fishy today!”  It’s a mystery as to why they lost their wings and feathers.

Last Winter, the weird pink ducks did something horrible to us.  Maybe they were upset about having to share the lake with us, which doesn’t much sense.  They never seem to go into the water.  Maybe they got mad because they think we won’t share our food with them, which is not true at all.  Pablo quacks to them in the same way he quacks to us whenever he finds something to eat.  Maybe they were jealous of our wings and feathers.  As simple as that.

Anyway, a group of them trapped a bunch of us in nets.  Pulling us a shore where they would ring our necks.  Thankfully they did not take all of us.  Watching my friends die gave me nightmares for weeks.  I don’t think I will ever totally get over what they did to us.

So Leonard and I got a plan.  We started by recruiting Pablo who helped us convince everyone to join.  The next time a group of pink weirdos came to feed us, we ignored the food and attacked them.  Biting them with our beaks.  Slapping them with our wings.  Damned if we didn’t send those weirdo ducks scrambling back into the grass where they belonged!  It felt good.  Like we were taking back what was ours.

But then the geese came back.  And since they are big and stupid and stubborn, they refused to believe us about the murderous pink ducks.  We watched in dismay as the geese gobbled up their offerings.

Then the nets were turned onto  the geese.  “We warned you!” we said as they screamed and cried.  So they willing joined our cause.

If you think we were formidable as ducks, imagine what we looked like with hundreds of angry geese.  I’ll give those guys one thing, they know how to get angry!

Us ducks follow the geese now.  Turns out they know where a lot of great lakes are.  And as long as we are all together against the freaky pink ducks, we have nothing to worry about.

Sure we have to put up with the geese, but life is still pretty sweet.


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